Dear Meerkat, You've been one for nearly a month now, and you're more playful than ever. We can't keep you still... which is one reason that Mommy has taken so long to post this letter.
I can't believe it's been a year now since you were born. A year ago, on your birthday, I was anxious, nervous, excited, happy, worried, sick, and in love. You were the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. Your scrunched up little face and swollen cheeks were just begging to be kissed. I could have held you forever. But, we felt like visitors for a lot of that day. We came and went, visited you, visited A, had meals, slept at our hotel, etc. We wanted so much to just take you home and snuggle you forever. Our hearts were so full of so many feelings. We loved you already. We couldn't have loved you more. And yet, our hearts were aching for A, who in the other room was facing one of the most difficult decisions of her life. We had no expectations, only hopes and dreams. And by the grace of God, A made those dreams come true. And we hope that you always think of A with love in your heart, especially on your birthday. She loves you so much, and I know she thinks of you often. Despite our heavy emotions that day, we were all very smiley, including A, whose story is for our families only. We love her so much, and we're so grateful that she blessed us with such a beautiful, smart, funny little girl.
Once we got you home, we couldn't have been more smitten. We didn't really cry at the hospital, but once we got you home, we couldn't hold back the tears. Daddy and Mommy just sat on the bed holding you, staring into your beautiful face, and cried together. Oh, sweet girl, you had us wrapped around your finger. I didn't think it was possible to feel such strong attachment and responsibility for another human being. But those feelings were suddenly there, as if they had always been there. You were our daughter, and I would do anything for you. And as this year has passed, my heart has filled more and more and more.
I have been amazed at your development. You went from a small little baby who could do nothing to a small child who is beginning to walk around the house with a little bit of attitude. :)
I know this letter is different from the others, because it isn't filled with accomplishments, developments, etc. But I wanted to just spend some time letting you know how special you are, and how thankful we are for you. We love you so much. You've melted Mommy's heart, and you've made me feel so proud. I love to show you off to people and hear them compliment your beauty. I love to play games with you and make you laugh. I love everything about you, including your smelly little vinegar toes. Sometimes, I just sit and sniff them over and over again. One day you'll read this and think I'm crazy, but then later you'll have a child of your own, and you'll realize how intensely I love you and how much I cherish everything about you. I love your boogers. Can you believe that? Me, the woman who washes her hands a million times a day and worries about walking by garbage cans... the woman who panics over the thought of smelling bad, and who thinks looking at other people's feet is a little gross... Me... I would live between your toes, if I could.
Dear Meerkat, please always know in your heart just how much I love you. I know someday you'll be a teenager, and you'll think Mommy's mean or not cool. You'll get mad at me from time to time. I just hope that you will always carry in your heart the love I feel for you. You are the reason I live, work, breathe... the reason I wake in the morning. I'm so grateful for you. You and Daddy are my whole world, and I am so proud of my little family.
We are two, happily married teachers/writers journaling our journey to build our family through the adoption process.
We are unable to conceive a child due to infertility. Though painful, it has grown us closer together, strengthened our desire to build our family through adoption, and brought us our beautiful little girl. We are journaling the excitement, fears, ins and outs of our adoption process so that others can learn from our experience.