Monday, March 7, 2011

Thinking of Friends

Tonight, while working on advertisements for real estate, grading papers for my classes, and taking little breaks to post pictures on facebook, I saw a status update from a couple I've taken a liking to since we started this adoption blog a year and a half ago.

This couple is now experiencing a disruption in an adoption they've been hoping for for a while now, and that they had been cautiously preparing their homes and hearts for over the last couple months.

My heart is breaking for them. If you two are reading this, please know just how much I hurt for you.


This adoption road is a tricky one, isn't it? On one hand, this is a loss for a loving couple who had grown to love the idea of this child, as if they were pregnant and waiting for their baby to be in their arms. The same type of loss a mother may feel when giving her baby up for adoption, or if, God forbid, she experience a miscarriage.

Loss in adoption.

I think about it a lot.


Why does something so beautiful have to contain such a horrible thing -- Loss. Emptiness. Aching. Hurt. What-ifs.

If the adoption goes through, the first mother experiences the loss of her child. The first family experiences the loss of the baby. The baby experiences the loss of her first mother/family.

If the adoption fails, the adoptive couple experiences the loss of a child - a loss no less painful than any other.


But, I am of the belief that adoption is a beautiful thing, and that when all things work out right, and if the adoption is able to be open, everyone gains rather than loses. The first family gains a new couple to love. The couple gains a new family to love. The baby gains connections to her past, present, and future.

This couple I've spoken of have always been super conscious of the importance of the first mother, and it is clear that they honor and respect this role. I hope that another opportunity will present itself to them soon, and that it will allow them the opportunity to share this love and respect with the first mom and family. I hope that their next opportunity will be an adoption filled with gains rather than losses.

My heart aches and grieves for you both right now. I am wishing the best for your days to come, and hoping you have some peace.


Jennifer said...

Thank you, Stephanie. You are a lovely woman. Chris and I really appreciate your very kind words about what has been a pretty rough experience.

Your Miriam is one lucky little girl to have you as a mom.


Chris said...

Thanks so much, Stephanie. Your thoughts mean a great deal to Jenn and to me. One of these days, when we've got a daughter with us, we'll need to meet and swap stories and let our Plus One play with Miriam.